AS OF SEPTEMBER 1st 2007

Robin's blog can be found at http://my-uni-blog.blogspot.com

The Bitter End

Well, this is it. My last post on Making Sense Of Me.

Some consider blogging a futile activity: publishing meaningless thoughts and opinions for the entire world to read, inevitably causing many people to form inaccurate (or accurate but unflattering) judgements of you.
I, however, have considered it as a mental exercise, a character-building task, a means of light-heartedly examining myself and the world around me. If you're not happy to do this from time to time, you've probably got some deep-rooted psychological issues that need seeing to. I have found it to be at times a little uncomfortable, at times revealing, but mostly a good, refreshing bit of fun.

This blog has also spawned creativity - the House of Dreams gets a few mentions, but my highlight was the "Goldfish" and "Monsters" series, which I still chuckle at. Creativity is beautiful, and should be embraced at all times in all sorts of places. What I am trying to say is that my blog was productive, and served some sort of positive purpose.

Finally, I know I have occasionally been outspoken/hypocritical/bigoted, whether out of humour or genuine ignorance, and have said things which may have upset people. I don't regret this as such - I have probably learned some valuable lessons about which lines not to cross - but I am sorry to anyone whose feelings I may have hurt. Apart from Animal Rights protestors, you guys can shove it.

I don't think this blog has made me as many enemies as it should have, which I see as a good thing. So thanks for sticking with me, reading all the random and bizarre stuff I felt it necessary to share/explain/direct you to. I hope you'll keep up with what happens next.

Some Stats

I've been counting hits for just under a year. Here are some figures:

Daily hits - unique visitors
Yesterday: 22
Highest: 70 (March 12th)
Average: 29 a day
Total: 10233

Other
Highest referrer: I blog therefore I am (thanks Tim) - 984 hits
Highest month: March - 1101 hits
Highest hour of the day: 2200-2300
Most comments: this is unofficial, but it could be no other than Barrie Bear.

Fascinating.
This is probably the most boring post I've ever posted, and then some. I just wanted to brag about the fact that I had over a thousand visitors in March.

A Funny Story

I hate to do this, so close to the end of my blog, but I'm gonna embarrass Esther again.

Basically, two days ago she comes in and she's all "The lights in the car aren't working, what am I gonna do?" We've always had some dodgy circuitry in our car, I assume it's a temporary problem and say "Try again later." Next day, she's promised to pick up a friend but five minutes before she has to go, she tries the lights and they still don't work. Friend has to get a lift with someone else; I'm all "It's probably a fuse." This evening we want to go somewhere, I decide to try to fix the fuse. We go to the car (no key in ignition), and I flick the lightswitch, saying "Wouldn't it be funny if they just turned on?" Esther's like, "Aren't the lights on that side?"
"No," I reply, "that's the windscreen wipers." Realisation hits me. "You didn't actually...?" We both run upstairs in a race to get to our keys first. Naturally, I win. I sit down, start the car up, turn on the lights.

My dear sister had been trying to switch on the lights by turning on the rear windscreen wiper. Hilarious.

Tearfund Fridge Magnets

Gotta love them.

"Mobilise The Jesus People"

"Trade Children With Tearfund"

"The Poor Cost Christians Money"

"Safe Blood"

and so on.

:D

Reviewed In 60 Seconds

Gone In 60 Seconds: a very poor film.

Give The Smokers A Break

It seems that we're moving from act of legislation to act of legislation against smokers this year. Surely it's time to shift to pornography, or alcohol, or dope, or even violent video games (for a change!) or one of the many other substances corrupting our society from within?

Yeah, I hate smokers as much as the next guy, but while they have a right to freedom, they should have freedom to smoke. Let's target something that damages minds, rather than bodies, because despite appearances, that's the priority.

The Last Days Of Making Sense

I've managed to just about coincide my 2000th post (this is 1993) with the 1st of September - the month of change. I've been "blogging" (loath as I am to use the term) for over four years, and this one has lasted me through GCSEs, A-levels, all sorts of highs and lows and chances taken and opportunities missed. I have no idea what the next three years of my life will be like, but truth told I'm impatient for them to begin.

I love having freedom and lack of commitments, but due to the spiritual/emotional place I'm in, and due to my total lack of ability to fill my time effectively, the last couple of months have been a sort of comfortable hell. Pleasant enough, at times incredibly enjoyable, at others painfully monotonous. I'm waiting, it seems, for the inevitable change, but in the gap between Now and Then I'm killing time in the most tedious way possible (however nice my surroundings may be). I'm going to run a newsletter style blog about student life in Falmouth, which I will begin when I finish this one. I just need to share that this is the place from which I finish one stage of life and move into another - a place of unfulfillment and (to some extent) disappointment.

Harrowed

When you watch a film based on a John Le Carre novel, you don't expect anything uplifting. However, "The Constant Gardener" totally blew out of the water any previous conceptions of "harrowing" I may have had. The only reason I wasn't transformed into a puddle of shivering and tears was because I'm hardened and worldly (and because I've had way too much coffee today). This film was obviously a great work of art, but the political punch it packs is painfully hard-hitting.

I have never been to Africa. Don't I need to go, just to remind myself what human beings live like in other parts of the world? To remind myself that it's not some daydream, but the real thing? It's sadly ironic that such a powerful story has become a movie - another means for us in the Western world to laze around and kill time.

Keep Them Troops In Iraq

With Tony's retirement as Prime Minister, Gordon Brown has the perfect opportunity to say "Okay, the Iraq War was a bit of a mistake, let's pull some troops out." Thank God, he is either a truly good man or he has some vested interests in Iraq. Whichever the case, he realises the importance of *not* pulling out when the going gets tough(er).

Still, this is just the beginning.

That's Never Happened Before

So, in complete contrast to my last entry...

I had my weirdest ever music experience at church today. I'm not gonna elaborate, suffice to say that is was weird. Two things:
1) Is it blasphemous to text while playing guitar in a church worship session?
2) In the words of Richard: "When you change key, make sure the bassist goes with you!"

C. S. Lewis Song

I said to myself I'd stop posting other people's lyrics around, but this song has been the best thing I've listened to in the last few months, and I still love it, and it's so good and so relevant...
well, how could I not share it?

I don't know where you'd be able to listen to it, but if you can find it please, please do - it's such a beautiful song. However, even the words by themselves - the words of a 20-somethings Kiwi girl referencing C. S. Lewis - are absolutely profound. Check it out.

C. S. Lewis Song - Brooke Fraser
If I find in myself
Desires nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude
That I, I was not made for here

If the flesh that I find
Is at best only light and momentary
Then of course, I'll feel nude
When to where I'm destined I'm compared

[Chorus]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way
Is this a soul that stirs in me
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive

'Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we
We are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it

And I, I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know you

Hope
Is coming for me
Hope
Is coming for me
Hope
Is coming for me
Hope
He's coming

Like, Woah

I just threw away all my old school books.
I was never gonna use them again. I hadn't read through them since I last wrote in them. Most of the stuff in there was useless.

This information doesn't change the fact that four years of my life - from year 10 to year 13 - was poured into those books. I slaved over my work (sometimes). Precious memories of doodling and graffiti have been lost forever. I only hope it was worth it.

NewsFlash

Celebrity X assaults photographer Y... wait! No-one cares!
Three reasons:
1 - all celebrities (with the possible exceptions of Chuck Norris, Samuel L Jackson, Matt Damon and Jackie Chan) are nancies and therefore are incapable of causing any long-term damage
2 - all journalists and photographers are scum, and therefore totally deserving of any assault
3 - there's more important news to report. Again - no-one cares.

Seriously, have you noticed how papers only ever report it when their own particular journalists get assaulted? Have you ever noticed how the journalists are always supposedly "totally innocent?" These guys drive me nuts.

It's Easy To Dislike Russia

...but I have a soft spot for her.
It's been cultivated by reading old Russian literature, studying recent Russian history, watching spy movies and generally following the news.

There's a lot of things I dislike about Russia; but where beforehand I saw Russia as the only nation guilty of such offences, now I realise that many countries, including the USA, including sometimes even the UK, are equally guilty. Russia is still seen as "the enemy," because of Cold War history and all, but really we're all just rivals in the race for the Upper Hand in global politics.

I don't like how Russia has handled relations with Chechnya, Georgia etc. I don't like their methods of handling some of the hostage crises where they have chosen to storm in and use force. I don't like their use of the death penalty.
I think about these things, then I look at our country and her allies. Look at how we have treated Iraq, and not so long ago, Ireland, the Falklands, the Middle East. Look at all the countries America has pushed around. Look at how we treat hostage and terrorist situations. Look at how our police stormed in and shot to death the innocent Jean Charles de Menezes. Look at how eagerly some Americans uphold the death penalty.

And yet Russia is also a majestic country. She's powerful, immensely powerful. She has brilliant academics and scientists, good sportsment, a wealth of history, and probably hundereds of thousands of people no different to you and I. Vladimir Putin is not a good man; neither are many of our politicians in today's world. I've realised that you can't judge a nation by its leaders, even in so-called Democracies.

AARGH

These is soo much good music in the world that I want to buy...
and yet...
I have to spend all of my moneys on stupid English theory books.

Also, I need to buy a small mixer. Word to the wise. Even if it is dirt cheap, if it says "Behringer" on it, never, ever buy it.

Rich Girl

You may have heard of my plan to marry a rich girl. Today I did some very bad calculations, to work out what my chances are in Falmouth.

In Europe, 0.41% of the population are millionaires.
Transposed to England, this makes approximately 0.5% of our population of about 60 000 000, which equals (if I'm not mistaken) 300000 people.
Assume that maybe 60% of these millionaires will have children. Around 50% of these children will be daughters - that's 90 000 girls. Falmouth has around 20 000 inhabitants, which is (I think) 0.03% of the population of the UK. Statistically, therefore, 27 of these millionaire girls live in Falmouth. However, the seaside - especially in Cornwall - is a popular place with the rich, so I'm going to up that to 33.

This is where the math gets tricky. Facebook tells me I have 200 odd friends, but only a minute percentage (far less than 10%, at a guess) of our population are on Facebook - therefore I could technically have as many as 2000 friends in real life, or more. That's one tenth of the population of Falmouth. If I can befriend that many people again when I move, I will personally know at least 3 of the rich girls. And at least one of every three girls I meet falls in love with me.

I'm pushing it fine, but I think I can do this.

Read This

Now. It's not as long as it looks, and is well worth your time. It brought tears to my eyes.

I went to a seminar at Soul Survivor by these guys called Spoken Groove (who are some of the most talented people I've ever seen) about "pursuing your weird dreams." Those that know me well will probably have detected that I have some pretty ambitious ambitions in life - I want to eventually make a living from a creative career of music and words, or by doing something similarly radical. I felt the seminar would be pretty relevant, and it really was incredible. I'm still absolutely oblivious as to what I'm going to end up doing with my life, but the insight and perspective - and the hope - provided by these guys really helped me.

And this ties in with the post I've linked you to. He talks about the two daydreams, the pleasant but superficial and fake dream of 2007, and the tough but beautiful dream of eternity. "It came from a lot of places, but mostly the best kind of books. I could feel it when Jess Aarons crosses the bridge to Terebithia after Leslie dies, when Jill Pole fits arrow to string, preparing to die in The Last Battle, when Gandalf rides over the ridge to the aid of his friends in Helm’s Deep, when Dumbledore tells Harry that his mother’s love was more powerful than any magic. It is more of a feeling than a daydream, really, a kind of hugeness inside, sad and beautiful, glory catching in your throat." That's the kind of dream I want to puruse. Thank you, Ryan, for putting the words in our mouths better than we ever could.

The Ultimatum

You may remember my slightly disturbing post about Clive Owen not so long ago? The Inside Man was a true character, but not a patch on Jason Bourne.

It's hard to compare the three films in the trilogy, but if #1 was mysterious and thrilling, #3 is slick, smooth and *completely* badass. Definitely on a par with Identity and probably edging into the lead. I mean, you cannot help but love how in control the guy is, how utterly destructive and yet somehow compassionate. He could take on all the James Bonds at once and win (except Daniel Craig, that guy's doing something right).

[interesting footnote: I realised the other day that Clive Owen features in the Bourne Identity, as the badass assassin sent to kill JB. Awesome!]

Smoothie Treatment

You may or may not have heard about Richard. He's a housemate of mine, and if I was to describe him in a word it would be "legend." If I were to use two words they would be "flipping mental."

This guy cycles 100 miles in a morning, to "relax." He has done physio for footballers, rugby players and TV personalities. He has skied to the North Pole, and he makes a mean Bean Casserole.

He also makes very rich smoothies. Whenever someone has been ill of late, Richard gets on the case. He finds every fruit available in the house, plus a few vegetables and maybe some spices; he peels and slices everything, sticks it in a blender and just mushes it all up. This makes one hell of a smoothie - a so-called cure for colds, sore throats and pretty much any other ailment you could conceive.

Unfortunately, these smoothies are so heavy that one glass of the stuff could, if poured from the top of a building, render a man unconcious. I mean it, I can barely drink a few sips before I feel full. As for the side effects of drinking too much, well... it's best not to dwell.

Still, these smoothies are the business if you're feeling under the weather, and if you've a headache, a raspy voice or a hacking cough, or if you're just bored... and I recommend Smoothie Treatment

Another "Back" Post

A festival like Soul Survivor is something you have to experience to believe. Every year I come back I write some half-hearted post that fails to do it justice or make much sense at all. This year, I have a cold and the mother of all headaches so I'm not going to struggle needlessly. Suffice to say I had a good time, and I saw lives being changed around me, and was reminded in part of the real reason for being alive, which goes way beyond getting an education, a job, a wife, some kids, and then passing out of existence forever.