Ooh Yeah

This team were mean. I cut my knee, real bad. Notice that I am grinning. That, friends, is sadism. In the background is Joey, trying to compare knees. He fails.

Football

The good news is, I maintained my goal spree. And I was right.

The bad news is, we got slaughtered. Even worse than last game. Aaargh.

My Day

It started badly. I was humiliated at the bank - I queued for maybe 10 minutes to ask for some forms for internet banking, and the guy was like "Just go talk to one of my colleagues over there." So I had to walk back past the queue of people, who all glared, only to find that his colleagues had disappeared! So I ran away.

At lunch, I was utterly destroyed in football, and though there were a couple of poor referee decisions, I still played appallingly and was given a good (metaphorical) whipping.

This afternoon I tried recording "Don't Stop Me Now" vocals again, while half of my family walked in and out of my room. Embarassing, not least cuz you really have to shout bits of it. Failed. Computer needs some reconfiguring that I don't have the energy to do right now.

And this evening, to top it all, we're probably gonna lose to "Bothered" at Pro5.

Well, at least I still have all of my fingers.

Woah!

Like, woah...

I've been reduced to woahing.

Woah...

It's been such a tiring weekend. And I've got so much on this month...

People always say, "How does it feel to be 18? Oh, I guess it's nothing different." But it is different. Maybe it's purely psychological, but it's a little bit overwhelming.

Well, in the words of the great prophet: "Meh."

18

It was a great blessing for me to experience the gifts, cards, texts, emails, handshakes, hugs, words of acknowledgement et al that were given me by friends and family. Whatever the gesture, it felt like many different people were expressing their affection for me, something it's all too easy to forget about. So thank you, people.

I have spent the last few hours setting up DESMOND. And now I'm in process of sorting out the most important stuff - the music.
Works like a dream, though I hate touchpads with a passion.

Like, Woah

I write this from my new Acer Aspire 7010, "Desmond." It's very shiny, and very cool. And dear God, I'm tired.

?

So, the law-makers think I'm old enough to be officially recognised as an adult. To have a credit card, to buy alcohol, to watch movies of a graphic or extreme nature...

suckers.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Reading more of "Jesus and Mo," (which, by the way, is still very amusing as well as challenging for us religious types) it struck me how atheists and believers are always having a go at each other. I love my philosophy class because it's an open environment where everyone (minus a couple of fundementalist nutters) can share their views openly and learn from one another without raising voices or resorting to insults.

Clearly, to the atheist there is no material evidence for God's existence, and to the theist there is no scientific evidence against the existence of a spiritual realm. Neither side will ever win the other over by arguing. Why don't we just stop having a go at one another and just enjoy each other (and try subtle indoctrination instead)?

Testing Fate

Doesn't it strike you that to celebrate one's birthday is simply to test fate? It's like saying "Haha, I'm still alive! Wooh! Come get me!"

I think that I might stop after this year...

Out Of Control

Bono wrote this song on his eighteenth birthday. It's kinda poignant...

Monday morning
Eighteen years dawning
I said how long?
Say how long?

It was one dull morning
I woke the world with bawling
I was so sad
They were so glad

I had the feeling it was out of control
I was of the opinion it was out of control

Boys and girls to school
And girls they make children
Not like this one

I fought fate
There's blood at the garden gate
The man said childhood,
It's in his childhood

One day I'll die
The choice will not be mine
Will it be too late?
You can't fight fate.

I had the feeling it was out of control,
I was of the opinion it was out of control

Truth (Recommendation)

After my belittling of "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised the opposite way today when I watched "The Truth About Charlie," which is apparently a remake of "Charade." I've never seen Charade, and while IMBD is full of people saying "This film was a rubbish remake of a great classic," I say to them, "SHUP, K?" Charade may well be a classic, but that doesn't stop The Truth About Charlie being a damn good film in its own right - which, by the way, it is.

It has everything you want from a good film: it is both funny and dramatic at appropriate times, it features some brilliant cinematography and has a stunning soundtrack, the script is quirky and sharp and the acting is superb. More to the point it is a very original movie, set in Paris with a British, American and French cast, and with an edge of realness that penetrates through the oddity. I won't ruin anything, but I must say I have not enjoyed a film so much in ages, and I thouroughly recommend this for anyone who likes a bit of fun.

Jesus And Mo

I dunno if you guys have heard of "Jesus and Mo" before, but I was introduced to the strip today and, as well as being very funny, it offers some useful challenges to Christians and Muslims alike. From an atheist point of view, sure, but only offensive in a jokey kind of way.

Anyway, here's one that isn't particularly deep or profound, but is very funny indeed.

That's What I Call Real News

None of this Iraq nonsense, none of this beheading business, none of this education/finance drivel: I'm talking about Hugh Grant kicking some ass.

When a prim, proper sweet-talking public schoolboy like Grant gets angry, that's when the news becomes interesting. I mean, he threw a tub of food at a journalist! That redefines badass.

If I ever get famous, I'm gonna throw food at the president.

Weird

As I said to my dear sister Esther in an email just now,

"i can't believe i'm talking about windscreen wipers and you're seeing leopardskin fishes and teaching fijian kids how to brush their teeth! it's crazy. well i have to rush to history now cuz otherwise ol' ros oconnor will be mad"

League Of Its Own

I just watched "The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen" which, by coincidence, belongs to "The League Of Extraordinarily Bad Movies." I am dead serious when I say it's the worst film I've watched in years.

A few things I didn't like:
- CGI. This film featured entire scenes of two CGI characters beating the crap out of one another. Who cares?
- Bad physics. Where waves on the water move the opposite way that they should, where buildings randomly implode, where missiles were invented in the 1800s, where a submarine the size of a city can fit in a little Venitian alleyway.
- Character error. The sexy guy kills the sexy girl, who then isn't dead and kills him back. And yet the invisible guy lives! He sounds like Mike Skinner, his name is Skinner, he's invisible... though he does run around naked. That's pretty sexy.
- It was rubbish. Honestly, I'd go into detail but it's not worth it.
Regardless, though, I enjoyed watching it for no real reason other than how bad it was, and the knowledge that I had nothing better to do with my time. Another classic for the books, ladies and gentlemen!

Today Is A Week Of Work

I realise that the title doesn't exactly make sense. But that's what I wrote, so I'm sticking to my guns.

What I meant, of course, is that all of my 5 pieces of coursework are due in the next fortnight (beginning tomorrow, with my 5000 word history essay). So I'm going to be a busy little bunny bee. Lucky me!

A Bit Of Homophobia Never Hurt Anybody...

I saw a numberplate today. It said "gae."

Gay jokes are always funny. Always.

Teatowels

Some of you will know me as a teatowel meister. I have been known to slay children and defeat emperors armed only with an arm's length of damp dishcloth. Needless to say, community living has helped me develop this skill so that I have one of the finest flicks in the world.

While I am generally good at controlling myself, every now and then a violent urge slips out and I sting someone with my whip of steel. This has, unfortunately, happened twice in the last two days. The first time, my brother Perran (yes, you) was too much of a coward to do much about it. Today, though, I was chased around the kitchen for ten minutes no less by sometime reader Mr Matthew Smith, who is probably wetting his panties right now because he didn't catch me!
But I was so dizzy afterwards... round and round and round.

As an aside, I feel the need to share with you this brief but amusing anecdote. Housemate Simon always thought that the lyrics to "Feeling Good" (Nina Simone/Muse) went "Possum in a tree" rather than "Blossom on a tree." Bless him.

You Total Ignorants

Let me start by saying that I'm not totally opposed to gun ownership. I'm not gonna kick up a fuss if people are allowed - within limits - to own guns. I don't particularly like it, but there are worse things in the world.
Like this facebook group. It's one thing to own a gun, it's another thing to assume that the entirety of your freedom rests on your right to own one. Kids can't own guns - does that mean they aren't free? Am I not free because I don't own a gun?
Just look through the uploaded pictures on this facebook group. 999 photos of 999 crazy Americans, covered with guns and ammunition. Some of them look about twelve. Some look like they have an IQ of twelve. It's really, really scary.

The 2nd amendment is the most crucial of our political system's "checks and balances." Without guns, we would still be paying taxes to the British. Home defense is important. The shooting range is fun, and hunting is cool for many people. Notwithstanding those activities, without guns all of our freedoms are at risk.

Words can't describe. I honestly want to go up to these people and slap them. "Without guns all of our freedoms are at risk." What kind of twisted, ingenious monkey got you to believe that? You psychos.

It doesn't make sense to me.

La-hap To-hop

You may have gathered that I'm getting a laptop for my 18th.
It arrived today.

For the nerdy among you, the specs can be found here.
There are also nice pictures.

I don't get to open it until Saturday though. Fair's fair.

Piracy Is Saving The Environment

Every year, hundreds of pounds that would be spent on transport, plastic, paper from thousands of trees and so on, is saved by people who instead copy or download music.
Not a single penny is spent on any of these things by pirates. No transport is required. No trees are killed. No toxic fumes are released into the atmosphere.

If you think about it from a certain point of view, pirates are practically saving our lives. Arrr!

Songs

Being a songwriter is fantastic.
It's the same with any form of art, I guess: productivity is just so fulfilling.
And in the past couple of weeks I've written an album's worth of songs without even thinking about it. In fact, in the past two months I think I've written about twenty songs, and I don't just mean average, passable songs: I mean songs that I really like.

I went through my hard-drive just before my computer died, and deleted all the old songs I'd written that I thought lacked substance or quality. I still had around 80 left.

I should really do something with them.

An Addy

Tim and I were talking today about Special Needs, and I observed how patronising the term is. I suggested that it could be changed to "Additional Needs," which is less so, and also less easy to make an insult out of (eg. "Spesh," "Special" etc).

After this suggestion was made, we were talking in Philosophy about people with multiple (Additional) personality disorder, schizophrenia etc. Then I realised the problem: "Additional Needs" would encompass all of these people, and the homeless, and midgets, and women too. 75% or more of our population would become "Addys" - those with Additional Needs.
Still, it's a good insult...

I Just Got Told That My Short, Pointless, Rambling Posts Are Better So I'm Writing One Now

What a day.
Started too early, will finish too late.
Loud music, DONKEY (great game), bluebells, relationships talk, crazy drunk northern dude, laptops.

Mental.

I like to think that I'm living the high life. Whatever that is...

There Is Nothing Baroque About Arcade Fire

I'm not here to say that they're good, or that they're bad. They've been getting some good media coverage and a brilliant reception, so congratulations and all, but the label "Baroque Pop" grates against my very soul.

Firstly, their style is not Baroque. What are key styles from the Baroque era? I'm no expert, but I'd say Ternary Form, Ground Bass, theme and variation pieces...
Secondly, their instruments are not Baroque. The main instrument in Baroque times was the harpsichord, and while I can accept that violins and harps were around at the time there were certainly no guitars, pianos, drum kits etc.
Thirdly, they are not from the Baroque era. Otherwise they would be dead.

Now, it's fair to say that the label "Baroque Pop" isn't meant to be taken literally, and just implies a classical influence to the music. But what really bugs me is that the people who made up the label, and the people who use it, will be people from NME and The Guardian and other slightly liberal, middle-class, arty, meterosexual, wannabe, brain-dead scum. The same people that made up the word "blog." You know, if Arcade Fire or Bob Dylan or Kim Jong-il made up the term "Baroque Pop," I really wouldn't care. But they didn't.

Two Words I Never Want To Hear Again:

"Propaganda" and "Ramshackle."
Congratulations, you're 18. Get over it.

There is nothing particularly interesting about a club that plays rock music.
There is nothing particularly interesting about people that go there. Every. Single. Week.
It's just a little culture cycle that you're caught up in, and in five years' time you'll look back and be embarassed at yourself, in ten years' time you'll look back and wish you were that young again, and in forty years' time you'll look back and think, "Those were the days."

Bloody youth.

Taking The Piss

We were joking around about the Wii today. Because seriously, what a stupid name for a console. The puns are so poor it's almost funny. "Come into our shop for a Wii. Why not take two?!"

So anyway, they should make a console called the Piss. Because that would be so much cooler. "Yeah man, I'm just gonna go play with my Piss." It's more blatant. More badass. It would divide the wheat gamers from the chaff gamers.
Well, I sure know which camp I fall into.

The Piss - coming to all good retailers near you.
Hey, it's just a thought...

Lost!

...In Translation!
Gotcha there. Actually, due to computer dying etc. I haven't been able to watch Lost.
But I did watch Lost In Translation, which is thoroughly good. Sure, it's slow-paced, sure, it's low-action. That's the point. It's so darn real life. I've had friendships exactly like that. In fact, I've had relationships exactly like that. Minus the one-night stand with the singer, and all the Japanese people.
Slightly awkward, tense, the pauses saying more than the words, really cool camera shots... this film has it all.
Also, Bill Murray is a genius. That guy is enigmatic (long story) beyond belief. And he has this brilliant "I'm not impressed look." He is just a little bit too old to be scoring hotties at every bar, but then I guess he is Bill Murray...

Graham Kendrick Is On MySpace!

Oh. My. Goodness.
What is the world coming to?

My Grandad, The Social Terrorist

My dad's dad is a dude.
He and my dad share the same vein of humour, but the thing that really sets my grandad apart is that he is 90. Okay, I guess people these days don't expect teasing from anyone, but they least of all expect it from a frail old man.

He was telling us today about how he went into a hairdresser's and asked if they could get his ends permed. He is practically bald, with just a little patch of hair at the back of his head. The woman on duty said she'd ask the manager.
Another time, he was in a wheelchair (his legs are pretty frail) and my dad was pushing him, and someone at a checkout asked if he was okay, to which my dad replied, "He has fits." And then my grandad went "Wooaha" and shook his hands in the air. I think the checkout person jumped. These guys are dangerous.

It's so refreshing to have this guy who has survived tuberculosis, two world wars and a century full of changes, who still has the sharpest sense of humour and the kindest, warmest heart you could imagine. I wonder if there will be anyone left like that in our generation...

Closer To Home

Isn't it funny how in Iraq thirty people are killed every day, and yet when thirty people are killed in such a way for the first ever time in one go in America, it's a massive tragedy?
But it is. I find this somehow sadder than any story from Iraq. Maybe it's because the culture, the people, are so similar to me. In a year, I'll be at University too. I too have felt like an Insider, and an Outsider. Maybe it's because there was no political agenda for this killing, no religious motivation, no justifiable hate or vengeance.

I have a few more things to say about this.
First, don't blame the killer. Pity him.
Second, don't blame anyone else. That includes the government, the opposition, the university, the parents, the people that bullied him when he was a kid, video games, music, even the gun companies. Whatever. That's called "Casting the first stone."
Third, no-one deserves to die. Or rather, no-one deserves not to die. But we don't have the right to say that they do.
Fourth, this is not a piece of propaganda. It is not a means to your end.
Fifth, everyone shut up. Why do we fill the air with so many pointless opinions, "solutions," analyses? How can you ever solve a problem by shouting about it, by spewing your nonsense on air or on the internet, by trying to drown out the other voices? If it's change that is called for, let there be change.

And someone, please...
a little bit of respect.

Michael Moore, Go Get Your Camera

But America isn't going to listen. America isn't going to stop selling guns, because guns make money. Because people have the right to guns. Because guns are safe.

And who wants to see another patronising documentary about who is to blame for some sad, screwed up individual's random killings?
We're all to blame, aren't we.

These are just children. They live in a country of children. They die in a country of children.

I preferred talking about Iraq.

American TV Is Killing Music

Imagine being The The Rembrandts. Or Phantom Planet. Or Lazlo Bane. You write a decent song, with a catchy tune. You get offered copious amounts of cash if someone can use it on their TV show, and being a foolish small-timer desperate for attention (and cash), you accept. Congratulations, you have sold your soul!
Next thing you know, everyone is singing your song. Everyone knows the opening bars. Your dreams have come true, right?
Except that TEN YEARS LATER, when that stupid program is still airing "new" episodes (recycled bits from old scripts), everyone has heard the damn theme song a thousand times and never wants to hear it again. More to the point, in the ten years that the program has been airing, you haven't released a succesful or even half-decent single and no-one could name another of your songs. Your name is associated only with the program. It doesn't just take you, it takes the music. Any lyrical significance, any musical creativity, is all sucked in and absorbed by the Great Repeat. If people notice anything special, they no longer care.
YOUR SONG HAS BEEN SLAUGHTERED.

American TV does this to good people every single day. Cutting down series lengths and mixing up theme songs are two steps towards solving the problem, but there is only one way to finish this once and for all.
That's right. Pick up your television, throw it out of the window. Ten bonus points if you hit someone in the advertising industry, or an old person.

Aaargh!

Allow me to reiterate: "Aaargh!"
I was going to post about how confident I was about today's match, but I figured that it would be a very sad thing to do. Plus, if we lost, it would make me look silly. And no-one wants to look silly.
I played my heart out (as, I'm sure, did my team-mates), ran 'til I felt sick, scored another fine goal, but we got absolutely hammered. No matter that we were playing the top team in our league, it was utterly humiliating and very painful.

That's the joy of the beautiful game. Yes, I am talking about Subuteo!

No I'm not, actually. Wish I was...

Haircut

I've decided to get my hair cut. Not right off, just a lot shorter.
There are many problems with getting a haircut. Besides the discomfort of having millions of tiny hairs all over your clothes, and the lack of anything to hide behind in times of danger, I dislike having short hair because it strikes me that people automatically assume I'm in the army.
This scares me.

One time after I'd recently had a haircut I was talking to this random person in our kitchen and when I said that I was Dave Mitchell's son she was like, "Oh, you're Tim Bryce's cousin." Which I am. And then she was like "But you have less hair than him."
And I don't know why, but it really got to me. I felt judged that day.

On the other hand, Tim has (or had, last time I saw him) a massive amount of hair on his head and face, and I'd rather look like a soldier than a bear. No disrespect to bearded folks. Or Barrie Bear. Or Bear Gryllis. That guy is a dude.

Damn You With Your Saturday Job

Quit it and come to my Breakfast.

Three Cheers For Iraq

I wonder what it's like to live in a city where every single day people are being blown up by car bombs and suicide attacks.
I get my news via the BBC homepage, and I think that about five days out of seven there is a headline about five/thirty/one-hundred people being killed by car bomb/mortar/gunfire in Iraq. It's unstoppable. The nation is in turmoil and anarchy, and how can you recover a place like that? It seems to me that things will just keep getting worse until everyone leaves or everyone is killed.
It's haunting. I wonder if a guy has ever thought, "I won't plant that car bomb there because it causes a futile waste of civillian life and does nothing to further my religious/political agenda." I wonder how many people are trying to find a peaceful way out. I wonder if there is a peaceful way out...

At least under Saddam, the hate was suppressed. With murder, torture, imprisonment, maybe...

Warning

Instead of the Copyright warning on the Fight Club disc...

Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned - Tyler

...

Sometimes the most productive days are the ones where you don't do any work.


Or any blogging ;)

Helena Bonham-Carter Should Get Out More

So yesterday I watched Fight Club, amongst other things. It's very good (if a little depressing), and I think the acting is abnormally brilliant. One thing I was pleased to note is that Helena Bonham-Carter was the lead actress. Some of you may have heard me refer to her as the hottest actress ever. I'm not the kind of guy to have an actress crush, but I think that if I had to pick a favourite it would be her. The only other film I've seen her in is Shakespeare's Twelfth Night (an adaptation of), and she played the total opposite role to in Fight Club but was again brilliant. The range between the two characters is so extreme, and yet she carried them both off so well. I think she should star in more films. More!

Double Degredation

Philip Jinadu was doing some filming for something about Community at our house, and I was caught in the two most degrading scenes ever:
1) Ringing the bell to summon people to dinner (implies that I'm lowest of the low)
2) Getting thrashed at chess by Ben

Thankfully, I managed to sneak my "We Are Sheep under MIND CONTROL" sign in to two shots (I don't think Philip was amused, actually). It made me feel better.

In other news, the backup process is COMPLETE. I now have to wait until I get a new laptop or motherboard. Easy.

Backing Up

I am now backing up my hard-drive, via Byron's 999MHZ computer. It could take days.
Thankfully, I hope to get a laptop for my 18th - part of the whole Uni thing - so I will be able to Do Things again soon. I will also buy a new motherboard when I get some £££s. My current predicament is this:
Do I get a Mac?

I'm very tempted. I know I hate them, but that's never stopped me before...


[backing up: the update] I started with "Program Files" and have realised, half way through the process, that it is backing up all of my games from five years ago. Games I never really played much, will never play again, and yet which take up massive amounts of time and space. Take "Shogan Total War." It's a massive 2-disc game of Japanese guys killing other Japanese guys in a whole bunch of scenic locations. And the last half an hour of the backup process has been spent shifting this useless excuse for a game from one hard-drive to another.

HO HUM

Isn't it funny how with beers, the first one tastes delicious, the second tastes alright, the third is bland and the rest are completely tasteless?
My theory, then, is why bother with the rest?
If you are planning to get totally smashed, at least drink something cheap and powerful. Like petrol. Okay, petrol isn't exactly cheap.

On which note, I came up with a great new line:
"Could you pass the water? Seems i'm on fire"
Okay, it's probably been used before now but never by me.

The Power Of Dreams

I think dreams are a gift. One of the dreams I had last night really shocked me, but it made me think that I'd rather be remembered for being nice than for being funny.
My style of humour often means being exaggeratedly nasty towards someone/something/The Fray, which in itself isn't particularly bad but it isn't particularly helpful either. And for people who don't "get" me, or my way of thinking, I will undoubtedly come across as a nasty person.

That's not to say there aren't other ways to be funny, and it's not to say that I can't make a bit of banter every now and then. But it seems to me that even if all actions and all words in life are futile, then at least you can be futile for someone else's sake.

Anyone know anything about jumpers and jumper caps?
They're so fiddly!

Anyway, there's a jumper setting to clear the CMOS memory, which will hopefully make things happy again, but I have no idea how to do it.

: (

Without my computer, I am unable to effectively express my creative energy: my primary channels of recording and writing have been taken away and as a consequence I am having vivid nightmares. I think it also affects my poker playing.

Proof That Fame Doesn't (Necessarily) Make You A Prat

Both bands I've messaged asking permission to put covers of their songs online have personally replied, politely, giving me permission and even suggesting interest. Which is nice, because it's obvious that I'm just a smalltime suckup trying to find new ways to get attention.

My cover of Hell Is For Heroes' song "Out Of Sight" can be found at the Las Esmeraldas MySpace page, and my cover of Athlete's "Wires" will be joining it when I get my files back. Which could take some time (Byron and I have pretty well concluded that my Motherboard is dead. Damnit!)

Bloody Facebook Stalkers

Whenever I join a network site (Facebook, MySpace etc) I start with loads of information on my profile and gradually remove it until there's just my name and a photo.
Today, I was cleaning up my Facebook profile and I removed the "Single" status bit - partly because I don't want people to form any assumptions based on that fact, and partly because... well, it's fairly obvious.

And yep, I changed that status 2 hours ago and since then I've had three messages asking me who the lucky guy/girl/wilderbeast is. It's a little bit too close to the bone. Damn those bones!

[some of you may notice I've been damning a lot of things recently. I became a member of Westboro Baptist Church, and I'm still trying to fit in]

Your What?

I know I have written many literacy-focused rants over time, most of them with incredibly geeky and hypocritical content, but nonetheless I'd like to have another go at people who write "your" instead of "you're." And vice-versa.

Let me give you some examples:
Your great
Your gay
Your very special
Your face is nice

Only one of the above is grammatically correct. Can you spot the difference? CAN YOU?

I don't know why, but it bugs me. So please, if your gonna write, write proper-like. Innit.

The Fake Sound Of Progress

Let me begin by telling you that it is a beautiful evening out there. The sunset has left the sky a rich, deep blue, the air is still and warm and you can hear the birds echoing calls from tree to tree. You know, the average temperature for this week (according to BBC) is 21 degrees? In April?
Bliss.

Computer-wise, I'm gonna back up all my goods tomorrow evening if Byron can't kick-start the thing with his wonder-tricks. Either way, it should be good fun. Until then, though, I'm without my two most beloved virtual possessions: my personal songs, and my massive music collection. And my dancing desktop teddybear (okay, I don't have one of those but if I did I would belove it more than anything).

Match #2 was not a success, though I am now top goalscorer with 3 goals in 2 games. Personally, I didn't play great (missed a couple of sitters) so I have nothing to boast about. We played well as a team, at times, but we still lost 6-2. That aside, it feels like I'm getting to know (most of) the guys better, and they're a quality team. Some get real sulky when we lose tho'...

So, life story aside, I'd just like to say that there are only two types of people in this world that I dislike: women, and homosexuals.

And students. Make that three.

Hero Facebook Stalker

I have, ashamedly, been listening to the original a lot recently. And I use Facebook. Hence, this song has double the poigniancy for me. It is brilliant:

Aaaargh!

My friend Byron attempted the same procedures as me, still got nothing, and voiced my worst fears: could be a problem with the motherboard.

I have spent hundreds of pounds and hundreds of hours (and written hundreds of posts) on that computer. If it dies now, I will be so gutted.
At least I can back up though. And hey, it's only a computer...

Frustrating Day, Part II

I've just spent a morning set aside for revision chasing screws around the inside of my computer, trying to install a new graphics card. And while the new one gets no response from the monitor, the old one is now being equally uncooperative. I'm assuming that they are suffering from the same problem, and the odds are that I've overlooked something extremely simple. Either that, or I've fried them both with static electricity. Point is, I'm yet to determine what the problem is, yet to fix it, and I am reduced to using Perran and Ben's computer to check emails.

Anyway, I have been struck by a sudden fear that all of my songs, recordings and coursework may be lost forever. So I will spend the rest of the morning cowering under a blanket, like a cowed coward. Aaaah! DAMN YOU, TECHNOLOGY, DAMN YOU ALL.

The Best Breakfast Ever

Invitation
By the way, in case I missed anyone, sincerest apologies: y'all readers are all invited.

Hello, contactees
I'm taking a few precious minutes out of my day to invite you all to my 18th Birthday Extravaganza. I mean it, this is going to redefine "extravagant." And "alternative."* And "Champagne Breakfast." That's right. I will be having a champagne breakfast. Cooked and organised by my loving parents, who have essentially said "This is the last favour we will ever do for you. You're on your own."
Anyway, it's going to be a bit different - and perhaps too early for some - but you're all welcome, even if you just want to pop in for a few minutes of birthday loving. Whatever that is. It's best not to dwell...
Read the invite for more information
*I've always liked to be alternative.
With love,
Robin

What Kind Of Idiot Lets Their Children Ride Across Clifton Suspension Bridge On The Road?

I mean, cars can get up to 20-25 on there! Danger!
No danger of that today though, they only lengthened our journey by about thirty minutes, riding at a snail's pace. They didn't even have stabilisers. Or those little wavy flags.

What can I say? I like flags.

Why I Don't Like Easter Eggs

To me, they are an ultimate symbol of consumerism. It's not like Christmas, where people give one another significant gifts and cards - at Easter, people just buy join the ritual and buy cheap, worthless chocolate.
Secondly, they have no relevance to Easter at all. Chocolate Christs would be more relevant. I know that it's because of the Pagan ceremonies and all, but quite frankly all Pagans can go and die.
Thirdly, I find the consumption of large amounts of chocolate sickening. Some people eat eight or ten massive chocolate eggs in one day. That is disgusting. What's worse, it's not nice, rich, dark chocolate: it's that weak milky stuff.

This is not a cheapshot at people who gave me Easter eggs. Thank you all, very much. Next year, stick with coffee beans.

Frustrating Day, Part I

I spent another frustrating day failing to record anything remotely interesting, not attending The New Root comeback gig, scraping the appropriate amount of work...
at least it started with a monster of a breakfast (which was, bar one, the nicest breakfast I've ever had. Until April 28th, but more on that later).

I Know Who Cursed The Sun

You may notice that after almost three full days of beautiful, warm, sunny weather, it has now disappeared behind the clouds.
Well, I know why. A neighbour of mine, who will remain nameless, was seen wandering around in nothing but a pair of shorts all morning today. No exaggeration - not even socks or shoes. I mean, sure, the weather is okay, but this is April!
So, yeah. It's his fault for tempting fate. I hope he gets struck by lightning.

A Compromise

Talk of ending my blog has actually sparked a fair bit of reaction. Which is encouraging. I will start writing something else, but it will be more focused and intentional, and hopefully a bit nicer. Anyway, my idea is this: a compromise between my 18th birthday, and my departure for Falmouth. Judging by current stats, I should reach the 2000 post mark somewhere between those two times. And 2000 seems like a fairly good number to go out on...

Tact Is A Wonderful Thing

A letter issued by Manchester United which warned fans that they might be attacked in Rome was blamed by Mr Serra for inciting trouble.
He said: he was worried that this would "incite the Roma hotheads who are not very well educated."

Priceless.

On that note, I made a great joke today. "You're quite attached to that bit of wood, aren't you? A bit like Jesus..."

No, contrary to appearances I don't feel compelled to share every single moment I was funny. But that was textbook tasteless.

"I Broke My Watch," And Other Interesting Stories

Actually, that's all I've got.

Warwick May Have Cost Me A Room With En-Suite and Double Bed

Damn them and their time-wasting tactics. Damn them all!

i should be able to communicate

'nuf said

Amazing Grace

I'm not going to say anything controversial, because it was a good film. Considering its optimistic aims and difficult subject matter, it was achieved very well indeed and although it is 99% dialogue that doesn't mean to say it is lacking anything whatsoever.
Also, at the end, there is the massivest marching band in the world which is fantastic.

And My Choices Are Made

I got turned down by Warwick. Which is nice, because it means my choices are made, but also a bit "Oh."
So, come September 2007 I'll be heading down to Falmouth, provided I get 3 Cs at A-level. I can do that, right?
:D

The End

"To the Iranian people, I can understand why you were insulted by our apparent intrusion into your waters.
"I'd like to say that no harm was meant to Iranian people or its territories whatsoever, and that I hope that this experience will help to build the relationship between our countries."
I think that is the perfect thing to say.

As for everyone who is saying that the diplomacy of the situation was handled badly...
then why the hell are they being let go?

Idiots.

Whatever The Final Truth...

Let it be known that I fully intend to begin revising this holiday.

RE: Too Many Men

Some phrases I coined in football today:

- "I've got this thing called "The Skillz." It's like a disease."
- "You kick like a girl. And also, you're gay."
- "They don't teach that in Brazil."
- "I saw you guys watching. Yes, I will be signing t-shirts after the game."

Like I said, arrogance is a killer.
[NB no homosexuals, women or Brazillians were harmed during the posting of this, er, post]

There's More To This Than Meets The Eye

You know what I'm talking about.
It could be an extravagant publicity stunt by El Presidento, but more likely there is some dirty behind-the-scenes work going on. And I certainly think that Iran were in the wrong here, but I don't trust our government or the US either. Damnit!

Too Many Men

I need more female company in my life. Partly because I'm young, charming and single, but mostly because when I hang around too many guys I shout and make gay jokes. It's contagious, too. Everyone's doing it. Apart from the insecure ones, and we all know what's really going on with them.

See?! I can't stop.

Plates

For the second time in two days, I reached into the cupboard to get one plate and had an avalanche of them rain down around my feet and smash all over the kitchen floor. Bad stacking!

And I'll tell you why. Different plates don't stack well together. They're uneven and don't fit well. If all the plates were the same, they'd all fit together perfectly and there would be no more avalanches and no more broken plates.

I'm thinking of a plan to rid the world of Different plates. It's called "Robin's Final Plate Solution."

The Mask

I just watched The Mask Of Zorro. I know many people have warned me against it, but nonetheless I went ahead like the brave man I am. During the movie I was actually reminded of myself quite a lot - I feel that Zorro and I have quite a lot in common. Like the fact that he never seems to be able to stay on a horse. I've never ridden a horse, obviously, but something tells me I wouldn't be any good. Also, we both want to kiss Catherine Zeta-Jones. Which reminds me; The Mask of Zorro is very similar to The Mask. The two protagonists are seemingly both talented and immensely stupid. And they both have masks. Also, in both films the lead actresses are very hot, and expose far too much cleavage for a PG-rated film. Seriously, has Cameron Diaz ever been as gorgeous as she was in The Mask? Answer: No.

Acoustix

Since Acoustic and "Indie Rock" (that's pop/80s revival to me and you) appear to be the only genres anyone listens to these days, and since Indie is quite frankly a bit too gay, even for me, I've been recording loads of acoustic stuff recently. If you hadn't already noticed.

Actually, it's nothing to do with what people are listening to and everything to do with the fact that if I try recording anything more than guitar and vocals I get the worst sound in the world. Also, it's piss easy and only takes a few hours.
So, biting sarcasm aside, I've been recording acoustic "covers" of my own songs (see "Get Some Peace"), and the latest of these adventures can now be found ONLINE, FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY. At my MySpace. In the words of the beloved bulletin,

you can now hear an acoustic version of that classic song i recorded so spectacularly with my trademark wah-wah sound long ago. the acoustic version is far superior in quality, of course, but in comparison it lacks musical diversity because it's just a couple of acoustic guitars. and an egg shaker. you've gotta love egg shakers.
i sure do.

In Praise Of Hot Cross Buns

Hot Cross Buns are "overated" - Jack Barrie.
I disagree. Hot Cross Buns are amazing. One of few puddings or sweet foods that can respectably be eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
They're also perfecte because they are just the right size. If you're hungry, a Hot Cross Bun will keep you going, but if you're full, you can always find a bit of room for one HCB. Also, I hear they work like magic on the ladies, but I'm single so what do I know?

Wake Up

Every so often, my dad sees fit to give me a wakeup call. This comes in many different forms, ranging from the gentle lullaby (with acoustic guitar) that roused me from sleep on Monday, to the harsh acapella grindings of an Incredible String Band song (I assume it was ISB, because no-one else in my knowledge sings with a half-Scottish, half-Irish accent. Although when my dad sings it, he sounds more like a pirate would (if pirates could talk)).
He uses his wit and talent to twist the lyrics of folk songs so that they say "Good morning, dear Robin, we'd like you to wake now" (along those lines, anyho') which I must say is a little reminiscent of The Sound of Music. Except that OMD's sense of humour means that he will end up rhyming the word "now" with the word "cow," somehow.

Thing is, I have absolutely no need for a wakeup call. Maybe it's his way of reaching out...

More On Apple

The problem with the Mac VS PC adverts is...
...that the Mac guy is a complete prat. And no-one wants to be a prat.

I'm sorry, Mr Webb, but fact is fact.

Anti-Rant/Egotrip

Those of you that know me will know that I'm not one to brag...
That's a lie. I'm a little bit polaroid - immensely proud of my achievements, and very insecure about my shortcomings. So anyway, why tell you what you already know? I'm building up to something.

Today I played my first game for the Pro Five team I've joined (3 games into the season) and damn me if I didn't score both goals in our two-all draw. Mitchell on the comeback? Okay, it will probably last all of three weeks, and we sure as hell should have walked over this team - who were down to four players for about half the match - but it's a start. To top it all (and yeah, I haven't bragged about this for a while), upon my return I dealed out* a good wupping to my poker opponents, storming the table with some spectacular gameplay. "Our hero," I hear you cry. Steady there, I'm only human. [cheesy wink to camera]

*Pun intended but best ignored

Wikipedia

Do you ever get it when you're on Wikipedia, and you wake up three hours later like, "Why am I reading about Tristan da Cunha?"

New Best Chat-Up Line Ever

as taken from Scrubs:

"Can I buy you a house?"

Beginnings and Endings

If you're in the mood for indie/rock...
listen to
"New York City Cops" by The Strokes
and then "There's A Fire" by OK Go.

I love the beginning of the former and the end of the latter. Both times it's just the singer having a laugh, or perhaps cocking up in the recording that they decided to keep.

In NYCC it's something like "Wooh! No, I meant, "Yeeaah." No, I didn't mean that at all..." and in Fire it goes "There's a fi-re, there's a fi-re, there's a woah!" [as the music stops]

Yeah, it definitely loses something when written down. Still, it had me in fits...

I Just Wasted Three Hours Of My Life

I planned to start recording bluePower tracks today. After getting a fairly sturdy guitar part down, I spent over 3 hours trying to do the damned drum parts, but all I got was this stupid recording.
It's out of time, messy, horrible. I so need that laptop. And a couple of SM57s, and a soundproof room would be nice too.

Happy April

April is my favourite month, not just because it contains my birthday but because it is a time of transition between winter and summer. It is the crucial month of spring, where all the baby lambs and little flowers and trees and water-beetles come out in bloom. It is lovely. When April starts it is still a bit cold at times, with lots of rain and sometimes even snow. When April ends it is lovely and warm and sunny and glorious. Just think: if there was no April, it would be winter all year round. !!!.